Marine Wife... the true meaning!!!

My oh my, Soooo much has happened in the last 72 hours.   For those of you who know me really well, you know the situation you know that Brandon and I were waiting on some news and Monday was the day for answers, and if you know me really well... you know what those answers were and that those were the worst case type answers .... we had planned for both best case scenerio, and worst case scenerio... and now we are having to deal with the worst.  It has been such a whirlwind, and I'm not really sure how to put into words how I am feeling at the time being, or how to word things in a way that which others can get an idea of what we are going through without knowing exactly whats going on.  Right now Brandon and I wont see each other for 5-6 months, and will have very little contact if any... thats where I am leaving that.It's definetly going to be a change for us, we usually talk for about 2 hours a night, and text pretty much the entire day.... we knew we needed to cut back on that to prepare for deployment, but we didnt have that change.  Monday we went into everything thinking it wasnt going to be a big deal, we made a million plans based on that opinion, but now we are changing all that again, we are dealing.  The hardest thing through all this for me is not knowing where my husband is or how he is handling all this, not having answers to some pretty important questions, I know I have the guys in his unit to talk to and ask questions, but there are some things they just cant help with!!!

Another thing that bothers me is that I have such a huge support system, and even though I know they support Brandon...right now he really doesnt have that.  He doesnt have the ability to talk to whoever he wants whenever he wants, Im able to call his phone whenever I want and listen to his voice, or listen to the voicemails he has left on my phone that I have saved..and he cant do that...Im able to write him ( even though I have no where to send those letters) and I dont know if he can or not. Its just hard, and I know its one of those things you just have to deal with but it just seems soo unfair for the time being. 

At this point, Im just ready to have my husband home, we will figure everything out later, all the minor details will be dealt with once he is home, I know our love, our relationship, and our marriage can survive anything... it can survive time and distance apart, it can survive any hardships that we have thrown at us, God knows we have had our share for awhile.... but through it all we are going to come out of it stronger and more in love than ever before!   This whole situation has reminded me what the true meaning of being a Marine wife actually is....you HAVE to be strong, being weak isnt an option... I gave myself the last 48 hours to be sad, depressed, and just helpless... but now, now I need to be ...really be a MArine Wife.... I HAVE to deal.. its my only option, I HAVE to hold things together, theres nothing else I can do, I HAVE to do what I can when I cant to help my husband, because really...he is the one going through this, sure its affecting me, but like I said I have all my friends and family to talk to whenever, he doesnt, his only support is when or if he is able to contact me, he is depending on me to be the only support he has until this is over.  So thats exactly what I plan to do...be strong and supportive for my husband!!!!!!  I'm gonna ask anyone who reads this though, to please send up prayers for my husband and I...we could really use the help until this is all over.. and probably even after!!  For the time being... its already been 68 days since we've seen each other and at least 150 more to go... we can do this<3 :)

Constant Changes....

As a military wife you have to be able to plan, and then things change so you have to plan again, and again things change so you have to plan again... and this just keeps happening and happening!! I knew it would be like this going into it, I knew it would be difficult because everything pretty much has to be so last minute because plans change so quickly, but i never realized how hard that would be.  In the last month my husband and I have planned for pretty much everything you could possibly think of.  We have planned on him getting discharged, then that changed... we have planned on him not deploying with his unit and me moving out there for good, then that changed.... we have planned on him deploying with his unit and so me not moving out there, then plans changed.... and our current plan, we have planned on him deploying with his unit and me moving out there for a few short months!  All I can say is I am drained... I feel like all our plans are so helter skelter and like we are forgetting things...important things.... right now the plan is for me to move out there one of the first few weeks of May, us getting base housing (since I will probably only be out there for a few months we decided it was better to get on base then something off base, and cheaper too!! and the reason we are able to is becaue brandon hasnt recieved his deployment orders yet so we can get housing and then once he gets his orders we will just show housing that and that is what will break our lease with them!) complicated ...I know but if we want to spend those last couple months together before deployment its what needs to be done.
However, not only are we planning and worrying about getting a place out in Cali, we are also trying to plan what to do for me back in Indiana/Ohio.  Right now I have an apartment with a friend, however since originally we were planning on me moving to Cali for good this summer, she has found new roommates... so once I move out of here my options are get my own place, or move back home with my parents.  For those of you who dont know this my parents and I have a pretty terrible relationship... thats where im going to leave that, but I really want to get my own place, but at the same time Im not sure if thats such a good idea while Brandon is deployed!  idk.. there is still alot to think about with all that.  
I just wish we had some answers ... like Yes he definetly will do this or wont do that, I hate playing games of not knowing, I hate questioning everything, and I hate not being able to plan for basically anytihng.  Since we are 99% sure that I will only be in Cali for a few months when I say im "moving out there" really im just taking all my clothes I need on the plane and flying there, everything we need for a home is just gonna be boughten out there, and we are going to just live with exactly what we need, because im not going to turn this house into a home only to pack it all up a few months later... so our house will probably be pretty bare and have little to no decorations, but as long as my husband and I are together, thats really all I'm concerned about!!